Save Yourself~*

If there is one person in this world every woman should be loving unconditionally, 

it is herself. 

Because when she does not love herself first and foremost, 

she begins to put her worth and her beauty in the hands of what 

a man, 

or a magazine, 

or a more popular girl might dole out. 

She becomes dependent on approval that will never fully come, 

and waits for someone to save her who never could. 

We live with millions of women every day who are self-conscious and feel ugly 

until someone comes along and says

 “no you’re not.” 

But it is essential for her to be reminding herself of this every day, 

and truly believe it.

- Loving Yourself Isn't Conceited 

It sounds pretty inspiring, doesn't it?

It's time to stop making your self-worth contingent on external factors... and to truly embrace yourself.

That's what I wish I could say to many people out there... myself included. 

Anyway, thought catalog is addictive. 

go against your life~*

Let's start with a picture of sunset. (or is it sunrise?)

Mood: surreal

Music: Stronger Without You by JJ.Express

And I,

Now I am stronger than ever.

Yeah I,

Now I am stronger without you...

We cannot return to that day anymore...

And I don't need you here with me anymore...

-Stronger without You by JJ Express

I was reading my friends' blogs.

And guess what, I realized their lives seem to be at a pretty rough stage.

Sometimes, we overlook little meaningful things in our lives.

When we're too preoccupied with a certain big issue, we totally forget about the existence of the good things in our lives.

Like for example:

In Fruits Basket,

Tohru's mum got so occupied with the death of her husband, she totally forgot about the existence of Tohru. Tohru understood everything, even though she was just a toddler. It was until a day when Tohru's mum finally woke up from her reverie, that she noticed Tohru. She embraced Tohru and cried, apologising about the fact that she has neglected Tohru.

And, after understanding the fact that although she has lost her husband, she still has Tohru, she stopped wallowing in self pity and instead, stood up with determination and quitted her 'Red Butterfly' gang. (it's a gang of females who ride motorcycles and fight etc etc. a bunch of delinquents.) but that's another story.

So, when life doesn't seem to go the way you want it to be, close your eyes and think about the people who really matter. Or even yourself.

We have to learn to go against our life.

Nobody is born with a life which is filled with nothing but unhappiness.

And you're definitely not alone.

On a happier note, today's theme is :

The beautiful side view of Ayumi (LOL!)

actually, my personal favourite is the last picture.

I don't know why, but it just gives me a feeling of being lost. How a singer would feel at that point of time when she steps into the recording studio. because there's no turning back.

Sometimes, you don't have to be right next to a person to understand the pain or sadness a person is feeling.

Sometimes, you don't have to be right next to a person to be able to comfort and reassure a lost soul.

Sometimes, you don't have to be a saint to say the right things.

You don't have to be a perfect person

You don't have to be a noble person

Or the prettiest, smartest or richest

to say 'How are you feeling now?'

私にはこんな場所から

この歌を歌う事でしか

伝えられないけど

君がもしほんの少しでもいいから

耳を傾けてくれればうれしいよ

that's all I have to say. :)

We'll see...~*

Mood: nervous
Music: M ~unplugged version~ by Ayumi Hamasaki

tomorrow at this time, will I be crying?


yes. this is it.

Tomorrow we're getting back our O's results.


The most dreaded time of the year.


Seriously, I've never felt so hopeless in my life.
Even before knowing my results, I already feel this horrible feeling of depression.
I bet I've done really badly.

And the sad thing is, it's not that I didn't study.
It's just that the questions just thrown me off my chair. (yeah. serious)
Those alien questions never appeared anywhere in TYS or FYS.
I feel dead.



On a happier note, I get to see my sec sch pals once more. (probably the last)


sigh. I don't see hope.

(song changed to End of the World by Ayumi. great song. it fits my mood just right.)

Let's talk about something other than this really depressing topic.


I bet 54684651432 ppl never come to school today.
But I'm among the guai kias who turned up for school ok? lol.


Well, anyway, PE was a nightmare.
We ran 8 rounds.
8 rounds! did u hear that? EIGHT ROUNDS! timed somemore.

I nearly died, I tell you.

Then after that, we had a good chiding from our PE teacher before proceeding to the conditioning, which sucked just as much. those half-squats made me vomit blood.


alright. Then we had break. (that popo aka clarrisa escaped hell. *narrows eyes at her* (lol))
I was just about to teach wenshi the new game when we had to go for our next period --- chem lab.

we had chem quiz.
damn. I spent so much time figuring out the significant figures until I had no time for the last part of the second question.
Mrs Chai was telling us not to get discouraged.
OH WELL.

Then it was group work for gases tutorial.
Arkar, Weihong, Wenshi, Chenxi and I were supposed to work on question 6.
and guess what? we were slacking away, chatting about every other thing EXCEPT gases.
I was really surprised when Arkar told me this:

Arkar: you look like a foreigner
Weihong: until when you open your mouth to speak.

haha ya I know. all the singlish and the lack of foreign accent. lol.
but me? a foreigner?
I guess everyone thinks I'm a CHINESE. as in I come from China.
I've been told millions of times I don't look like a singaporean. don't ask me why.
Well, just because I've got BLACKER hair than most ppl, FAIRER skin, that makes me a foreigner? haha.
I've been mistaken as a CHINESE and a JAPANESE (which is ridiculous) before. haha.


well, that's not the point. The point is, the guys are also very amazed than wenshi and I live in CCK.
to them, CCK is at the other end of the world.
to us, novena/ang mo kio is further.

oh anw, anderson sec sch ppl are really really smart.

And I just learnt something new about chenxi. she sleeps at 3am nearly everyday. *eyes widen*


ok let's not digress.


anyway, after chem lab, we had math lecture.
we were already 15mins late for it.
wenshi and I crept in and sat way at the back.

It's my FAVOURITE topic --- FUNCTIONS. (dies)

Just by listenin to the lecturer speak, I felt so tired I could hardly keep my eyes open.
I was REALLY REALLY tired. So was wenshi. hahaha.

and it's ALWAYS functions that I feel like sleeping. (even in sec 3)



After that, we had lunch at the canteen.
the almond jelly is good! :) (huili strongly disagrees)

then we took the train together. I was headin to woodlands to meet up with serene and yeeyan.
(that joyce abandoned us for touch-rug. haha.)

On the train, we were discussing so much about o's.
I can already see it. The worst case scenario.

SIGH.

then my mood plunged into the basement.

fell asleep in the woodlands library while waiting for serene and yeeyan.

I was so so so sian ever since.
I can't seem to shake off the horrible sinking feeling of flunking o's.
and the principal coming up to me, shaking his head.
and mrs lim glaring at me, tsk-ing all the way.
and my result slip, with 3 digits.


NOOOO!!!


I'm really sorry, girls, for having such a bad mood and stoning half the time.
I was really preoccupied with those bad thoughts.
and the fear.
sigh.


Tml we shall see. whether it's 18 or 28 or 38 points.


Anyway, after that we went back to library and started reading children's books.
I got really inspired then.

I really love that book 'Nonsense'.

Although it's just a book for children, I was really inspired.

Imagine dogs growing on trees, fishes walking on stilts and rabbits reading.
What should you say?
'NONSENSE!'

Imagine mice speaking, lizards playing ball, goats studying.
What should you say?
'NONSENSE!'

So when people call you stupid, dim-witted
and when you feel inferior, with low self-esteem,
what should you say?
'NONSENSE!'

because only you can decide who you are.


yes. I was really inspired. :)




Let's go back to what I really feel like saying.


I realized if I die tml, I have so so so many things unaccomplished.
so many regrets. so many things undone.

1. I've yet to tell everyone I love them.



I LOVE YOU!!! (you! yes you reading this right now! for tolerating my nonsensical blog entries!)


2. I've yet to accomplish what I planned to do --- hug everyone I know.
3. Stand in the middle of orchard and sing my lungs out. (it'll be ayu's song. hee)
4. Seek forgiveness
5. Fall in love. Proper.
6. Kiss my family.
7. Hug my piano teacher really hard. Dakishimete. hanasanai de.
8. GO JAPAN!
9. be myself
10.fulfil my wishes.


you might ask why is this entry SUPER long.
simply cos it might be my last.

If i get a horrible mark for my o's, i don't think I'll touch this blog anymore.

I might not be able to accept it.
instead, i think something about me will definitely change.
the ALREADY very low self esteem, definitely.
and the mentality that somewhere out there, life still rocks.
and of course, that hard work pays off.



meanwhile, i feel like saying something.

let's say tml's really the end for me, what's gonna happen to me?

dareka oshiete? onegai.

will i be able to pull through?


It's a test of my strength.
Whether I can overcome this major obstacle and live on.

Yes, indeed, the earth still spins and tml will eventually end, because the earth doesn't stop for you.
So would I be here?
would I still be here?



We'll see tml.



Meanwhile, all the best to everyone gettin back their results tml.

I hope everyone will receive their results with smiles on their faces.
zettai. :D

You Raise Me Up...~*

Mood: grateful
Music: You Raise Me up by Celtic Women

No matter how pained we are, we still have to move on...


This song is my current favourite! :D
Alright. This song is really touching. *tears*
serious. I mean, read the lyrics, close your eyes, listen to the angelic voice, you find tears in your eyes.

This song is the theme song for 'Byakkotai' starring Yamashita Tomohisa.


But that's not the point. The point is, the song's fantastic.

It's the VERY first english song in my ipod.
So u can guess how great this song is. *winks*


:)


There'll be days when you feel useless, completely unwanted by the world.
There'll be days you feel misunderstood, lost and lonely.
There'll be times when you just want to lock yourself up and cry.
There'll be times when you believe so strongly that you won't wake up tomorrow.
Sometimes, you feel vulnerable and weak.

However, please hold on tight.
Please do not extinguish the flame of hope.
No matter how tough life seems to be, there'll always be a way out. Always.


My tears have dried.



'You Raise Me Up' just inspired me so much.

I learnt to be grateful.

Even if the days are awful, I'm grateful to be here. To be alive. Breathing, seeing, hearing, tasting, loving.


The world can be beautiful if you want it to be.


I hope everyone out there can be happy. Really. Because while I can't be happy all the time, I hope you can.

When I'm unhappy, I see you're happy, I'm happy. When you're not happy, look at other ppl out there who are happy, you'll be too. And so the cycle goes.


Just remember, the tears are not shed for nothing.


You Raise Me Up [This song has really brought tears to my eyes. It works wonder in bringing a person's spirits up.]


When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up: To more than I can be.



Nevermind the song lagging behind. Just listen. With your heart. :)

While listening, just remember the ones who raised you up.

And while you thought you were weak, don't underestimate the strength of humans. :)