I can still remember that night.
The air was painfully still.
I looked into the mirror, and got sucked into the depths of my own gaze.
Something was swirling in the darkness - weightless, unbounded, with nowhere to return to.
I can still remember that evening.
I was looking at the scarlet sky, thinking about the setting sun, and
how we had laughed about the sun "rising earlier than expected".
I closed my eyes, and the scene played on.
It was silent.
I can still remember that night.
We played 'Metal Slug' over gin&tonic, and stout.
It was trippy, and turning into zombies was strangely fun.
The world had retreated.
It was just us, and the zombies.
I can still remember that morning.
The sun rays peeked through the clouds.
The perfect weather.
And suddenly, everything seemed to fall into place.
I can still remember that night.
There was a spread of fruits and vegetables.
Words were consumed by the falling rain.
The light was blue.
Like sapphire... only more precious.
I can still remember that night.
I was woken up by a wave of transparent and searing pain.
As I lay there, writhing, I heard a soft whisper.
The ghosts had spoken.
I can still remember that afternoon.
When infinite possibilities got reduced to that single circumstance.
The earnest wishes and words that were repeated over and over again
Somehow materialised.
But I was unable to put my emotions into words (still am not).
The deceptively happy mornings, dreary afternoons, wistful evenings, seemingly endless nights...
Trapped in a continuous loop.
Reaching for the constant.
Slowly trying to take ownership of my heart, and the accompanying responsibility for its damage (past, present, and future).
"Return me to me."
I can say this to no one, but myself.
