1Q84~*

Okay this is blog-worthy.

(my mum managed to borrow 1Q84 from the library - chinese version)

mum: I brought it out to read on my way to work
jas: ?!?!?! it's so heavy! how do you bring it out??? O.O
mum: huh? it's not what. It's quite thin.
jas: ??? *brings out my super thick and heavy copy* mine is THIS thick and the font size is very small already!
mum: *brings out her copy* mine's so thin!
jas: ehh.. this is just part one right? there are 3 parts in all leh. 
mum: huh? 
jas: *checks her copy* this is... volume THREE....eh have you started reading it already?
mum: yes
jas: don't you find it hard to understand and no link here and there??
mum: no
jas: but you didn't even read part ONE and TWO!!! O.O
mum: ehh... but I don't find anything wrong. *puts book back in bag* 
jas: won't you go look for part one and two first before reading three??
mum: no, I think I'll just read book three. Seems pretty ok to me. :)

... my mum's pretty amazing.
either that or murakami haruki is amazing.

Updates~*

1.

Exams are finally, FINALLY OVER. (And so is my life... soon)

I'm kind of speechless with regards to the papers I've sat for. 

Actually, I'm even more speechless about my own stupidity.

Things are so much clearer on hindsight. 

But when you're in the situation, you write stupid things that you wonder why you ever thought of writing/forgot to write the crucial things down. 

DREAD. 

It's the kind of dread that is constantly bubbling below the surface, waiting for the appropriate moment to surface. 

And the moment is (of course) when results are released. 

So, NO MENTIONING OF ANY EXAM RELATED THINGS OR EXACERBATION WILL OCCUR PREMATURELY. 

The funny (what's so funny, actually) thing is that 'DEFENSIVE PESSIMISM' came out for today's paper (refer to my previous post).

okay. maybe not 'funny' but more like 'uncannily coincidental'? 

but then again, it doesn't mean anything.

being a defensive pessimist doesn't mean you can score for the question. Sadly.

2. 

During the one 2-week plus of anguish, forlorn and despair (shit. when you want to recall concepts, you can't. when you want to forget them, you can't as well.), I'd scripted this entry that I really wanted to write.

But because of my fickle-mindedness, I'm going to put it aside for now. HEH.

3. 

It all came back to me.

When I heard the news that the top PSLE scorer came from my alma mater, there was a sudden surge of emotions. 

No, it wasn't because of the remarkable achievement of the school (though yes, I'm proud of RPS) but rather, something else entirely.

It reminded me of my own experience with PSLE and how I grappled with the fact that I hadn't lived up to expectations. 

My heart had sunk when I saw my result slip. 

I could still recall lucidly how this particular sentence struck me the way you feel when someone drove a knife in your gut. 

"Ahh... you didn't even get ___".

It had hurt so bad. 

After that, I kind of withdrew from the world and into the comfort of my own room, my own world. 

I have never been part of the elite all my life.

Recently, when this news about the PSLE result spurred a vibrant discussion on facebook (among my pri school friends whom I've pretty much lost contact with but have kindly added me in), it threw me back to the past. 

Although we've all matured and can be assumed to be less judgmental than before, I still felt strangely out of place and worse, inferior. 

They are the true elites who have accomplished so much ever since we've parted ways 9 years ago. 

Prestigious colleges overseas, scholarships, witty and sophisticated manner of speaking etc etc...

Accomplishing so many wonderful achievements in their lives seems effortless to them.

While the rest of us slog away and work our asses off to get a good pass, they can attain so much more effortlessly. 

It made me wonder why. 

Although this is really myopic, I can't help but wonder if they have really experienced what it is like to fail. 

Or perhaps, their definition of 'failure' departs so much from us. 

But then again, who am I to say that they have not been through challenges and have had their share of bad experiences too?

Well, sometimes, I do wonder what is it like to hold conversations with them. 

For me, I'm sure I would be struggling to come up with words and stutter and die from embarrassment later on. 

4.

It rained.

And I played the piano. 

If I can experience Csikszentmihalyi's (no it's not a typo haha) concept of FLOW, that will be when I'm playing my favourite music on the piano. 

:)

5. 

Picked up 'Yakuza Moon' by Shoko Tendo from the library today.

What took me so long to go and read this???

And soon, I'll be embarking on chapter 2 of 1Q84. :) :) :) 

Oh, another case of FLOW. 

Finals...~*

I think I sprained my neck.

Now I'm having difficulty turning to my left. 

Urgh. 

As finals draw near, I'm feeling increasingly insecure and lost (as usual).

yes, yes, I'm a true blue defensive pessimist. 

(during personality lecture, when prof was talking about defensive pessimism, 

prof: defensive pessimists tend to do XX,XX,XX...

yt&mabel: JASMINE

prof: ... so do you know anybody who's like this?

yt&mabel: JASMINE.

the descriptions just fit me like a T.) 

I just realized it's friday and it marks the beginning of school holidays for the kids.

ahh... the kids... how lucky. 

Having been cooped up for so long, I've gradually lost track of time. 

and this is going to carry on for the next one week plus. 

After taking so many exams, it still irks me very badly to have to force myself to be very disciplined.

My cortisol level must be at an all time high. 

Brain, I'm counting on you! 

what if I hadn't met you?~*

Well, I've wasted a lot, a lot of time today.
All thanks to my obsession with the sexy phone as well as my extremely unmotivated state of mind.
So screwed.

anyhow, I'm here, because I have things to say.

do you know how easily things slip through your fingertips?

all of us started off as
strangers.

if our paths hadn't crossed, if our eyes hadn't met, if we hadn't spoken to each other, if we hadn't smiled, if we hadn't...

if we weren't there on XX day XX year at XX time,
our paths wouldn't have crossed,
our eyes wouldn't have met,
we wouldn't have spoken,
we wouldn't have smiled,
nothing would be built up from nothing.

we would glance at each other and simply walked away.

yet, we didn't.
yet, we built something out of nothing.

the very first encounter.
the moment when somehow, somehow, we ended up at that very geographical location...
the beginning of everything.

have we all forgotten?
how easy it is,
not to be at that location, not to have met each other, not to have known each other.


things slip through your fingertips so easily...

It pains the heart to think
"what if we have never met?"
"what if we are strangers still?"

It scares me.

Which is why I want to hold on even tighter.

you, you, you AND YOU.

I cannot think of "what if I hadn't met you" because that very thought makes me want to cry.
You mean too much to me.

Updates (updated) ~*

I've come here to waste time simply because 

I think if I were to do more work right now, I'll go insane. 

1. LAST DAY OF YEAR 3 SEM 1

PL3281 Lab in Cognitive Psychology

I hope I don't look too awful here.

The result of staying up late and waking up real early to finish my report.

FINALLY, FINALLY.

This mod made me learn a lot. self-discovery, perhaps?

And learning that every member in the group matters. :)

thank you audrey, YT, WQ and mabel for all the encouragement during the toughest moments (only we know how tough it had been).

without which, I think I might have died somewhere along the journey.

and of course, Dr SL. :)

YT's masterpiece.
we were fooling around in the lab after that. as usual XD

And with the nice sugar puffs and madeleine from delifrance + fruit juice,

it marked the end of our lab module, as well as the last day of year 3 sem 1. 

Next week is study week and then FINALS!!!

GOSH...............

It's just amazing how fast time passes. 

so fast that I'm struggling to catch up with its pace.

2. BIRTHDAYS

Happy 21st Amber! :)
@ bottle tree village

It's such a beautiful place!

(due to my incredible laziness, I've yet to upload any pics yet.)

Although it's really ulu, it's worth the time spent to get there.

It's just like a little kampong all on its own. love that rustic charm it has. :) 

and amber totally blended in with her brown maxi! 

And seeing her being surrounded with all her friends and relatives just makes me feel happy for her. :)

I believe that's the one most important reasons for having a birthday party - to have all the people who love you to be there to witness this significant moment of your life. 

It's especially heartwarming when it comes to being with your family. 

Bins! (where's curry??)

is there a way to keep photos from turning sepia?

perhaps.

SL's 21st birthday! :)

The psych people (with many of them missing!!!) just keep making me laugh. :)

I feel grateful to have them.

It's about the mutual encouragement and support when the going gets tough and tougher. 

and of course, the inside jokes! hehehe :D

We can start planning for post-exam events hohoho!

[looking through my post again, I just found this uncanny coincidence - all 3 photos showed only my left profile. well, nono, there's nothing wrong with my right side! (I hope)]

so here you go: from another angle.

classic pose!

<3

3. INSANITY

I was on the bus this morning when a few random thoughts just popped into my mind. 

"If I were to not be myself, I would..."

the first thing that came to mind was to:

a) get a tattoo - I'll probably tattoo my signature 'J' on my left shoulder. (ehh. not that it makes much sense. probably a good MH quote then.) 

b) a navel piercing - with a ruby/amethyst gem. (this is really ridiculous since I don't have a single piercing.)

c) bleach my hair blonde + get a pixie cut (because I can't pull off this look.)

d) be a busker (I'd flip in front of an audience)

e) drop everything on hand and buy a one-way ticket to Japan. (I'd never be able to just 'drop everything' and leave everyone)

f) drive a lambo (and I don't know how to drive)

g) bungee jump (that's when I've completely lost it)

e) eat up all my notes (ha!)

but because I'm still me, I'm still sane, I'll NEVER do any of the above.

SO, I'm still going to get stuck with struggling to be disciplined and STUDY (not now though hahaha)

it's nevertheless very interesting to think about all these things that you won't do (and perhaps never will). 

4. 

So, then, I thought to myself.

"If you were me, you would..."

a) have not much of a social life (when 110% of the time is spent on work urgh!)

b) enjoy reading murakami haruki, ishiguro kazuo, banana yoshimoto... (you know, a bookworm?)

c) eat only the most bitter and least sweet chocolates around (ok. not that extreme. but 80-85% cacao is the best!)

d) prefer specs to contacts (that's so rare. and in the mornings, my eyes are really swollen so nothing can fit into my eyes anyway)

e) have an entrenched feud with the public transport system (I lament ALL. THE. TIME.) and therefore enjoy walking whenever I can.

f) think too much.

I can't think of anymore things to write - which pretty much augments the fact that yours truly is a SUPER DUPER ULTRA EXTREMELY VERY BORING person.  

don't you wish I would do some of those things listed in pt 3? maybe they're my own secret desires hahaha!

4. RAGE COMICS

have been kind of addicted to reading/looking at rage comics - you know, the 'Y U NO'/ 'Like a Boss/Trollface/Me Gusta/Oh Crap (my favourite of all)/ I Lied etc etc

look here to know more 

credit

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HAHAHA!
It's really nonsensical stuff but knowing my sense of humour, I can get extremely amused by all these.

And more so if you can somehow relate to them. 

Anyway, it can get really addictive after a while. 

5. 

I had the feeling

that the profile of someone I passed by now

looked like that of the girl I had known before.

But why was I just staring at her back

as she walked away

without even being able to

call to her?

- 'Crossroad' by Ayumi Hamasaki

and that's an encounter with myself, isn't it?

Untitled ~for her~*

Because I was feeling nauseated from doing my report, I decided to take a break.

Earlier on this afternoon, I listened to this song.

This song always makes me feel incredibly sad.

I'm not sure if' it's because of the lyrics, or the way it's delivered, or the underlying meaning behind it.

(It was, after all, written for a good friend who had committed suicide)

I suppose it's a combination of everything.

You don't need to have a friend who has passed away to understand the meaning of losing a friend.

Neither do you need to lose a friend to realize the impact she has had on you.

And you don't need to rationally think about it to feel the need to cherish her...


(do read the lyrics if you can)

Though this may be a common expression

You stay alive

Always as you are

In my heart

However many times the seasons may pass

Our days are fadeless

- 'Untitled ~for her~' by Ayu

“Letters are just pieces of paper," I said. 

"Burn them, and what stays in your heart will stay; 

keep them, and what vanishes will vanish.”

- 'Norwegian Wood' by Murakami Haruki

Happy 21st Amber~*

the common denominator - the earnest wish for happiness and our love for you. :)

I am lost~*

I feel like I'm living on borrowed time. 

I need to sleep because I've got an early dental appointment tomorrow morning.
But I can't get to sleep.

Things running through my mind...
...things.

Because I knew what I loved. I loved to read; I loved to listen to music; and I love cats. 

Those three things. 

So, even though I was an only kid, I could be happy because I knew what I loved. 

Those three things haven’t changed from my childhood

. I know what I love, still, now. 

That’s a confidence. 

If you don’t know what you love, you are lost.

-Murakami Haruki

TGIF~*

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I'm trying my best.

"...but she wasn't really living in our house, she wasn't really alive. She just stayed there in the same space with us, a pleasant presence, like a resident ghost. 

She existed like a mirage."

- 'Asleep' by Banana Yoshimoto

1. 

Somehow, I managed to survive.

Somehow, I managed to complete my personality assignment, einstein term paper, biopsych presentation on psychopathology, prepared for oral defence, presented our oral defence... (all due this week)

And on top of that, I faithfully went for my internship (though P and I took leave for one session. I had to, for the sake of my oral defence)

Somehow, I'm still here. 

But there's still much to be done... the horror of it. 

2.

Next week is the last week of school before study break and then it's FINALS. 

It really does seem like an formidable task to be able to catch up with all my readings (I'm lagging like mad), start/finish my cognitive lab report (OH MY), sit for my einstein test (... the most complex module I've taken so far) as well as prepare for exams. 

It sounds crazy and overwhelming, doesn't it?

I don't know how I can do it but... I've got to do it... somehow. 

3.

Was telling my mum how excited I was when I grabbed hold of my copy of '1Q84' by Murakami Haruki. 

Mum: ohhh! I went back to read his 'Norwegian Wood'. 

Jas: That's my favourite novel! :D

Mum: yeah, I like Japanese authors' works a lot :)

Jas: So do I! :) Recently I've just found another author whom I like a lot! 

Mum: Oh! Then have you heard of Banana Yoshimoto?

Jas: !!!!!!!!!! THAT'S THE AUTHOR I WAS REFERRING TO! 

Isn't it great to share the same liking as your mum?

Like mother, like daughter. 

:)

4. 

My phone is dying. I can't make phone calls because it doesn't allow me to hear anything anymore. 

And I'll be getting a new phone when my sis gets back from Shanghai next week! :)

What will I be getting?

Hint hint. something really slick and sexy with a beautiful arc. hahaha. 

5. 

"... I haven't wake up yet..."

"My brain is not functioning..."

"I'm zoning out....."

*YAWN*

and it all happened this morning right before our dreaded oral defence. 

Having stayed up late for many consecutive nights to put together a good and convincing argument for our experiment, our group is suffering from a chronic lack of sleep.

As7 has become our favourite hangout spot and we often stay there till night...

finally I can take a short break before I start working on my report (which requires another few more late nights).

ahhh... the sad life of an undergrad..... :(

6. 

when I see people enjoying themselves after work/after school, I feel pretty bummed myself.

well, I do understand the importance of work-life balance but it's definitely not easy to attain such a perfect balance, isn't it?

whenever we choose to head in a direction.

sacrifices need to be made.

if you want to head to the left, you can't head to the right at the same time.

(gave me the chills when I wrote that as it reminded me of my einstein mod...)

 

7. 

Why am I such a skillful procrastinator????

BACK. TO. WORK. JASMINE.

your life sucks, admit it.

Those days...~*

Have been asking around for the title and singer for this song that I happened to hear somewhere.

Watching the video and listening to the lyrics made my heart race...

nostalgia overdose...

the gush of memories.

so overpowering...

because it reminded me so much of those days back then in secondary school,

when life was much simpler, happier and certainly more dazzling...

all the silly rumours, crushes, tears, laughter, lamenting about lousy results, joking about teachers, indulging in endless procrastination, 'serious' discussions about the future, trying to predict where we would be in future...

those dazzling days.

so dazzling that I have to shield my eyes now...

the good, old days.

又回到最初的起点
记忆中你青涩的脸
我们终於来到了这一天

桌垫下的老照片
无数回忆连结
今天男孩要赴女孩最后的约

又回到最初的起点
呆呆地站在镜子前
笨拙系上红色领带的结

将头发梳成大人模样
穿上一身帅气西装
等会儿见你一定比想像美

好想再回到那些年的时光
回到教室座位前后 故意讨你温柔的骂
黑板上排列组合 你舍得解开吗
谁与谁坐他又爱著她

那些年错过的大雨
那些年错过的爱情
好想拥抱你 拥抱错过的勇气

曾经想征服全世界
到最后回首才发现
这世界滴滴点点全部都是你

那些年错过的大雨
那些年错过的爱情
好想告诉你 告诉你我没有忘记

那天晚上满天星星
平行时空下的约定
再一次相遇我会紧紧抱著你
紧紧抱著你