Sunday, January 24, 2016

Iroiro~*

1. Kotoba

"..."

For every word that's spoken, there are many unspoken ones.

Listen to those,
and try to understand,
why they were not (and will never be) spoken.


2. Kioku

"It feels very lonely to be the only one who remembers, no?"

I used to think that it's extremely difficult to hold on to them alone.
It magnifies your loneliness, and stagnancy.
For you're the only one who's tracing the past, pacing hesitantly in circles, desperately protecting something...

But,
I think that there are some things worth protecting.
And I will do so,

even if it entails making certain sacrifices.


3. Jikan

"If you could send a message to your past self, would you send one? If so, what would you send?" (inspired by Steins; Gate)

Would you?

I'm sure most of us have secret wishes to alter certain parts of our lives.

I'm no exception.

But,
alterations may have many unintended consequences.

Are you willing to take the risk?

Steins; Gate provided a pretty interesting theory that goes - for every alteration you make, the world line splits, and events that unfold thereafter in the new world line will change accordingly. In other words, while you continue living in the new world line (with an altered past), there's another you in the old world line(s) living with the past unaltered.

Essentially, what it means is, you may be able to escape your present, by altering the past.

Do you wish to escape this current world line?


4. Sonzai

"You're very, very real!"

As real as we can ever get, perhaps.


5. Omoi

"We can't live in our heads all the time." 

(inspired by 'City', by Alessendro Baricco - brilliant book, albeit a bit too chim for me)
Thoughts, feelings, desires need to be expressed.
But by expressing them, we're reducing them from something close to infinity, to mere points, sentences, statements.

While we may be able to capture the essence of the thoughts and feelings, there's so much more lost in translation - the beauty and elegance of ideas that are NOT the essence... if you get what I mean.

And with that, it makes a nice link to pt 1.


6.  Iroiro (the best part)

"All the wu eh bo eh..."

a) Yu(u)ki was desexed, and subjected to the humiliation of wearing a customised pair of panties / shorts to protect her incision from her tongue / paws / teeth. Poor girl...

It provided our family with a great source of amusement. Sorry girl, but you're too hilarious.

b) Have been watching animes fervently - Another (horror), Zankyou no Terror (crime thriller - it's DAMN GOOD), Steins; Gate (sci-fi). All are great anime series, but, Zankyou no Terror (Terror in Resonance) really resonated with me (ha!). Hauntingly good.

c) Motivation is dwindling... in various aspects.

d) Jan feels like Sep - I'm that tired.

e) Went back to read old entries - sometimes, you may succeed at deceiving yourself that you're time-travelling.


In retrospect,
despite all the depressing and pessimistic thoughts,

life was beautiful then.

Friday, January 01, 2016

2016 will be a better year~*

And so, one year has gone by.

Jas: Then again, it's just a change in number.
Zen Guy: It's a new beginning, a new life.

Really?

Time moves in one direction; a new year doesn't mean that time will restart.

It is simply that, the Earth has gone one round around the Sun, and is starting its next.
Time is still moving, life still goes on, and you are still painting on a tainted canvas.

I'm good at un-romanticising things, I realised.


But eventually, it boils down to your own perception - its significance and meaning.
Maybe its significance is that it gives you a reason to reflect and set goals for the next year, whenever it begins.

A new year may start from 1st Jan 2016, or 10 May 2016, or 8 Sep 2016... or even more significantly, your birthday. No?

Anyhow, the usual summary of the year in photos (in random order):

Happy marriage, M and M!
Vietnamese egg coffee @Hanoi
Beautiful sunset @Halong Bay, Vietnam
"No matter what, you just cross the road in a steady pace. Don't panic."
Right. @Hanoi
Graffiti on the wall which tugged at my heartstrings @Jilin
Mixed feelings while waiting for plane home @Shanghai 

Shimmering, shimmering
A warm welcome back from a very cold country :)
Great read :)
Me? You?
Where the obsession with diffusers started.
French Vanilla and Wild Jasmine (I know right) scent
Hello, and good bye.
MA / AM :)
Choc Mille Crepe @Sun with Moon
Beer (no root) float which tasted like.... @Chir Chir
Deep thinker
Nyans! @the company of cats
Wayward LGM
"Yums." NO.
With the girls @Teoheng
Bday present for sis, the wild child 
Birthday drink @starbucks
Inception, sort of @Sushi Bar, Taka
Red velvet waffles @Montana Brew Bar
A very unique birthday cake for the girl with strange taste
 - super yummy matcha cake from Tsujiri :D I can have this every year
Our Future School
Finishers (with absolutely terrible stamina) @Sentosa
Finished both seasons. AWESOMENESS.
You melt my heart, Yuuki
Yuu and the piano
Yuu and the cello
Whiskey mini-teach @Auld Alliance
Because it's Portugal
Beautiful flowers @Braga
Survived my very first overseas conference
(networking being the most stressful part of all)
Beautiful Bom Jesus @Braga
      

Along the Douro River @Porto
Electric Cello spotted! @Porto
"Like a Jap schoolgirl." @Braga
From up above @Porto
Port wine!
Why so fierce, revelation cat? @pasarbella
When my hair was very brown. Mandatory toilet shot @JEM
At the start of the year with my favourite matcha @Maccha House
PSYCH-ED @M's wedding
Pretending to be in Japan @Liang Court
Happy CNY guys! 
Futsal match! @Turf City
Badminton match! @MOE Evans
Watching from above 
And then the night became a blur @some korean restaurant
Singing our hearts out @Manekineko
Crazy things we do to relive the sec school days @random neoprint machine in SCAPE
Crazy things we do 
Pretending to be elegant taitais @Shangri-La Hotel
The night when we all got psych-ed @Shangri-La Hotel
Finally got to try the colourful xlbs @Paradise Dynasty
Coffee and avocado shake. Woah. @Benjamin Brown
Birthday boy and girl (haha) @Ootoya
Super cute Xmas cake from Kki :)
Featured on ST with H and his beautiful cellos :)

To many more years of friendship @Shangri-La Hotel
With the crazies, and looking tipsy... @Angela's place
To many many decades more of friendship @Marina Square
EL :)
Section retreat @ USS :D
Grateful for these awesome colleagues @USS
With Pinocchio @USS
Xmas gift exchange + potluck 
Pretending to be Cinderellas @Forum
Mandatory toilet shot @forum toilet
383.3 :)
Halong bayyyyy
Fav shot @Halong Bay
You're a big girl now, Yuu
An emo shot to end off the series of photos

"How was 2015?"

Where do I even start? How do I even start?

If I had to use a metaphor to describe the year, it would be: a ride in a theme park that's a mishmash of all the rides in the theme park. 

The extreme ups, the extreme downs, the crazy loops, going forward, jerking backwards, free-falling, and lots of lights, colours, short periods of darkness, noises... 

In short, it was a crazy year which may have weakened my heart considerably. 

But after every experience, negative or positive, you can always glean some learning points. 

About letting go, holding on, moving on.
About courage and love.
About the very nature of pain and suffering.
About the bright side, and the dark side.
About patience, gratitude and humility.
About selfishness, lies and manipulation.
About imperfections and deficiencies.
About yourself, myself, her, him, them, us.

About being human, and the meaning of being human. 

To me, the greatest learning point is that the world isn't just about me. 

Back to the previous entry about an objective reality (so yes, I do remember writing it). 
If I accept that an objective reality does not exist - even if it does, it's virtually impossible to access it, and my perspective is definitely not the objective reality (the most important premise) - then I will understand that the world isn't just about me. 

Not sure if I'm making sense. 

To simplify, essentially, what I'm saying is, I need to be other-centered. (personal life and work life do overlap to some extent huh)

Anyhow, for Y2016 (starting from today), I want this to be the guiding principle for me:
Be other-centered - step outside of the self for once, and view the world from others' perspective. It's not always about 'I' and 'me'. The world doesn't exist for you and it isn't 'customised' according to your needs. 
Happiness doesn't always stem from gains to yourself.

That brings me to another very important point - One's existence, or meaning in living, is also largely dependent on the significant others in one's life.
In other words, I am who I am, because of all the experiences that I've had with everyone who has ever set foot in my life.

So thank you, for everything. [wish I could write better than just this sentence.]

~*~*~

And now, the exciting part:

Resolutions set for Y2015:

1. Practise at least 3 hours of cello every week. [For most weeks, yes]
2. Save $X [YES!]
3. Complete at least 1 non-fiction book. [YES! So happy that I completed 'The Art of Thinking Clearly' by Rob Dobelli a few days before 2015 ended.]
4. Tidy my room at least once every year (HAHAHA) [No...]
5. STEP OUT OF COMFORT ZONE MORE OFTEN (aspirational) [Sort of? I took the Mummy ride. hahaha.]

Not too bad, overall, I suppose. 

Here are the resolutions set for Y2016 (similar to Y2015):

1. Be able to play cello pieces set at Grade 7 level (a little ambitious but, maybe it's possible?)
2. Tidy my room at least once this year
3. Save $X
5. Complete another non-fiction book
6. Take more initiative to keep in contact with friends
7. Cast light, not shadow 

It sounds like I'm pretty determined to abandon the dark, negative thoughts to make space for positive, happy thoughts.
I wonder how I am going to do so.
But I am quite convinced that if I stand firmly by the principle of other-centeredness, I will come to realise that such negative and dark thoughts are pretty much insignificant, because they only concern me, and the world isn't about me. 

Very positive psychology, in a sense, haha. 

Alrighty. May 2016 be a fantastic year for all. :)