1. Dark thoughts?
"What dark thoughts do you think of?"
"Darkness in the light
mistrust in the trust,
sadness in happiness,
bitterness in the sweetness,
death in the living,
destruction in the creation,
ugliness in the beauty..."
And at times when my thoughts turn positive,
it's the other way around.
2. Embracing the darkness
I'm starting to not detest
(double negative, I know. But I can't think of a better way to phrase this) this side of me as much.
The important thing isn't to detest and reject it completely, but to accept and embrace it in its totality. Because that's how you gradually learn to manage it.
It's not so bad to have deep and dark thoughts.
At least, they keep me grounded, and remind me of what reality
isn't.
3. Something that was there
Recently, someone recounted a little snippet of his life to me.
It was very similar to the plot of some cheesy Taiwanese / Korean romance drama; that familiar
"Ah, the one true love had been there all along. Why hadn't I noticed her sooner? And now, she's happily together with someone else. Regrets, regrets."
And it hit me that, cheesy as it sounds, it happens more often than you think.
People often don't pay enough attention to their surroundings, and they take practically everything for granted.
Someone once told me,
"Meeting the right person at the wrong time is no different from meeting the wrong person."
Since you let it slip through your fingers,
you just have to accept it, and move on.
4. Things that I don't understand
Dangerous things.
Beautiful things.
Ambiguous things.
There must a reason for their existence.
Or perhaps, they are such, because we made them so.
5. Shadow of things that were
Sometimes, things happen.
And at that particular instant, something hits you.
Instantaneously, brutally, powerfully.
"You remind me of someone I used to know."
A sharp bite?
An electric shock?
A bullet right through my skull?
And I let out a scream.
On the inside.
6. Transactions
Many things in life are transactional / conditional in nature.
Even so, I still want to believe in something unconditional.
7. Bow & Strings & Drums &...
Interesting, how one thing leads to another, and before you know it, you're stuck in an emotionally-laden situation.
What started out as a goal-focused activity grew into something beyond that.
I'm extremely grateful, for various reasons.
But knowing how some attachments are especially deep for me (because I'm a sentimental being), I could already imagine the imminent void.
Soon, we'll all run out of excuses, justifications, and reasons.
But before that, let's give it our very best shot.
FIVE MORE DAYS.
[Please don't get me wrong. I'm enjoying every single second of this - minus the scoldings and embarrassing moments when jarring notes were produced by me.]
8. Two of us
Something is strangely amiss.
I was telling X that weekday-jas and weekend-jas are practically living two different lives.
There's a very interesting point where both lives do not intersect.
And there is definitely an issue when the "main" role (weekday-jas) is getting increasingly tiring, disengaging and un-motivating.
9. Murder intent
Have been reading a few novels by Keigo Higashino.
My first few attempts at mystery / thriller novels.
Although the who, what, when, how were brilliantly written (which is the gist of most mystery novels), that wasn't what struck me as I read the novels. But rather, it was the 'why'.
The intent is what undergirds the entire story, and that's the part that would grip you even after you put that novel down.
What could possibly push someone over the edge?
Out of love? Greed? Or simply, malice?
10. There you are.
Thank you, simply for being, even when it's not easy to.
