Had such a great time last saturday with my cousins and my sister. The main reason why I enjoyed myself tremendously that day was probably cos Common Test's over. It seemed like a heavy burden was lifted off my shoulder. Finally, I'm able to put my textbooks that are 145564inch thick away.

Well, that day my sister and I reached home at... 12 plus? Nighttime, I mean.

Anyway, my Grade 6 theory exam is pacing closer. The ticking of clock brings me one step closer to impending doom. AHHH. I'm at the verge of hysteria already.

Took back our SS paper, Chinese compo and Chem paper.



Somehow, you can start to feel the tension in the air whenever lessons start. Previously, time was sufficient. Now, time is ticking away so fast, before you knew it, it was the arrival of the next day. Very soon, all of us would be stepping into the examination hall for GCE 'O' level exams. And in a blink of eye, before you can really let out a sigh of relief, you have to return to take your results. Time is passing THAT fast.

People around me are starting to buck up. They are really starting to work extra hard, pay attention in class and complete homework. But this seems to apply to the girls in class though. I can feel the charged atmosphere (Physics. lol). Everyone seems to be competing with one another, trying their best to get into the best JC in Singapore and probably aiming to be the top scholar in NHHS, or even the whole Singapore.

I don't believe in pushing yourself beyond limits. Perhaps this only happens to me, but whenever I TRY to push myself, the results of it is horrendous. Pushing yourself from now till the end of the year will only cause ppl to breakdown. You have to take a break sometimes.

But that doesn't mean you don't study.

Oh well, just some of my thoughts about the common test this time round. Life will no longer be the same around here anymore. Everyone's training up to cross the last barrier. There's no time to lose.

But look. I'm still slacking. haha.

Anyway, last sunday was LAO MAO aka ZUHUI'S BIRTHDAY!
So the SUPERBLY NICE girls of 4o8 got together to plan for her bday during the common test week. We planned a surprise for her.

On Friday after school, the girls were split up into two teams. 'Work team' and 'Distraction team'. As the names say it all, work team started pasting all the bday msgs by everyone in class (including the boys) while distraction team brought her downstairs.

Of course, the NICE me must have done something impressive rite? I brought XXXX to sch. YES. you didn't hear me wrongly. XXXX. haha. my sister bought it for me though. =P And after school, siong aik and nicholas helped with XXXX while the rest of us were busy takin photos. den it was XXXX time. hahaha.

then serene, yeeyan, joyce, cindy and I (and of course lao mao) went for lunch! Angela n yubing had softball prac that day and couldn't make it.

Today, the NICE Joyce bought a coffee cake (pretty big) from bengawan solo for LAO MAO! haha. All of us sang bday song and shared the cake. haha.

*~Happy belated bday LAO MAO!~*
Best of luck and all the best! =D


I am one girl with no ambition. lol. not that I don't have anything I'm interested in, just that those I'm interested in are those ridiculous jobs. nt really ridiculous, but impossible for me to fulfil the criteria to get that job. So I HOPE I'll find smthg usefel on friday. It's CAREER EXHIBITION in suntec. Everyone in school must go.

Well, at least blogging all the junk is helping kill time.

Wait a minute, didn't I just said there's no time to lose?

ayumi's new single. coming soon. =)  

the other version w/o DVD 

It was hard to believe that the week of nightmare, fear, worry, anxiety and frustration was finally over! Common test is OVER!
I was sooo relieved once my last paper, Pure History, was handed in. Well, I've gotta enjoy myself before I get back the disastrous results on monday. I strongly believe I didn't do well for Common test.

Whatever my results will be, I'll just enjoy myself for this weekend and face the music on monday. slacker. haha.

This whole week seems to pass really slowly.
I was so stressed up the whole week, it was those times when you really have the courage to commit suicide. lol. weird description but really. No meaning in life, just studying and more studying. What's the point? Moreover, no matter how hard I study, I get lousy results. Serious. This kind of feeling's really lousy. Especially when teachers have high expectations of you. Can get nothing but an A. not even a B is allowed. hmmm...

Next week will be another sucky week.

Friday is our school's annual road run aka cross country run.

Tml there's piano lesson. Sigh. I spent so much time studying, I did nothing else. Didnt even touch the com. So do you tink I practised piano? NO!

However, I'm going out with cousins n sister tml for dinner. =)

The ONE n ONLY thing to look forward to. darn it.

watever it is, nothing sucks more than life. <-- The black ribbons (TAS)


人寻寻觅觅，寻找的又是什么？

Just a little something to share. Something I wrote a long time ago, when I was at the verge of giving up...

在夜深人静的夜晚
开始对自己的目的有所怀疑
当我回头看时，
才发现我已不能回头。

好像离开这里，到别的地方去。但已经太迟了。。。

现在可以逃避了吗？ 到一个没人认识的地方。
也许一切已经不能回头了
我根本不需要明天。

为何一个人一时能如此开心
一是能如此伤心？

假如我背上插上了翅膀，我会离开着伤心地。。。

现在能离开这里吗？到一个我能哭的地方。
然后把心痛的事都哭走。
我以不行了。。。救救我吧。。

我只希望能安好活下去，
难道这要求太过分？

现在可以逃避了吗？ 到一个没人认识的地方。
现在能离开这里吗？到一个我能哭的地方。

现在可以逃避了吗？
现在能离开这里吗？
我不知道。。。

A dry breeze is blowing
The city is getting cold
I wonder how many seasons have passed
without even a sound?

All of the people coming and going
bear heavy burdens,
searching for tomorrow
within the heat haze wavering in the distance.

Feelings like sand
falling through my hands...
Back then, the words that pierced my heart
suddenly started to throb with pain, but...

I've searched for pieces of myself,
counting the endless nights all the while.
These feelings are becoming so certain
I almost lose myself.
Right now, without fail, I will walk forward, however far.

I wonder, why is the sky
so vast?
Even though I tried to yell, my voice didn't come
and the tears poured out.

I wonder where the birds are flying off to,
as they freely slice through the wind?
One can't return to the same place
as it once was in days gone by.

Even if I give up my dream like this,
I won't suppress my soaring heartbeat.
Someday, I want to reach
as high as the clouds.
I'll spread wide the wings in my heart and journey once again

I will reach it, without fail.

I've searched for pieces of myself,
counting the endless nights all the while.
These feelings are becoming so certain
I almost lose myself.
Right now, without fail, I will walk forward, however far.

It has been many days since I last blogged. For the past few days, I've been super freaking busy with tests etc etc. Common test is coming. OH NO. next week is gonna be hell for all of us. haix.

Anyway, my piano audition's over. YAY! I didn't get in. haha. I'm kinda relieved that I didn't get in, cos I'll have much time for Common Test then. Ever since that day when we received our chinese 'o'level results, I can feel that our class is finally bucking up. that's a very good sign. =)

Valentine's Day was just like any other plain day. There was really nothing special. Anyway, thanks loads guys, for all the chocs and sweets. Really sweet of all of you. heehee. =D

These days I felt really really depressed. Having foul mood for practically every day. Although it's just the beginning of the year, I'm feeling stressed. Studying too much made me really really miserable. this entire week sucked.

Wednesday was probably the most sucky day of all. After school, I went home to study for my chem test on thursday. After taking a nap for a while, I got up and started studying. People who know me should noe I'm not those kind of ppl who can endure the torture of facing a book for more than 30mins. anyway, minus away all those slacking time, I studied for pretty long. a few hours, I guess. I was feeling really really stressed up. Then my mother made this comment which pissed me off totally.

"I tell you arh, don't go shopping after school ok? Must come back and study arh!"

WTH??? Since when did I go shopping after school? For the past few weeks I was surprised at how studious I was. After putting in so much effort, she actually told me off for going shopping?? OH NO NO NO!!! I was so pissed, I didn't have any mood to study anymore. But I still forced myself to memorize the stupid facts. And guess what? I received the relay msg that the chem test's postponed.


...


I was SOOO pissed, I had a hard time controlling my hands from smashing the phone against the wall. ARGH! I went to sleep immediately after that. To think I used so much time to study and bcos of that, I left my maths hw to the following day. whatever. I was really pissed off.


Anyway, thurs was another bad day. I had to practically use my hands to force open my eyes during chinese lesson. I was so freaking tired. All thanks to the previous night, when I studied like I was possessed.

Today was just another suckier day. Had malay performance. We did OK, I guess. At least we could be heard. Before that, all the emotions and frustration that I experienced throughout the entire week rushed back to me and I don't know what's wrong with me. I just ran to the toilet and cried. All the stress, all the confusion, all the unhappiness.

There are times when you truly feel lonely.

Those were the days I felt that even if I disappeared from Earth, no one would notice. This feeling was overwhelming.

anyway, thanks to frens who asked if I was ok and ran all the way to find me. =)

thanks loads Serene, Yeeyan and Joyce, for ur concern. u guys really rock. =) and serene even climbed the toilet door. LOL. thanks! Love you guys.
Thanks zuhui for ur touching sms. =D really made me happy. haha.
Thanks Jiayi for ur concern if I were ok. =) thanks loads.
Thanks to everyone else who were concerned about me. =)

Anyway, I've gotten over it already. I've learnt to face the fact that although I try to tell myself to be strong, I'm truly weak. I can't bear to see my family falling apart. I can't hold back my tears...

There won't be a difference if I were not in my family.


I'm TRULY tired.

I'm not quite sure what I'm doing here, typing away.

I'm worried about my audition tml... well, i've got nothing to lose. if I don't get in, I can spend more time on my common test. If I get in, then good for me. but i don't wanna let my parents down...

I was thinking a lot just now. Reflecting about the past few days. I don't know what I want, what am I doing, where I'm going... Sometimes, I want things to stay as they are, but I know it's impossible. My parents are starting to talk, to watch tv together and stuff, but tt only makes me worse when they separate... I mean... u know what I mean, don't you?

Was reading stuff on the 4o8 forum and yubing's blog and realized that many ppl were pissed with WJP for deserting the class during the release of chinese o'lvl results to join her ex-class cos they're smarter. It makes me feel bad. Why must everyone stereotype our class as the worst class in the level? That's not true. Why must everyone say that and make my class feel lyk an outcast? we were the last class to receive our results and we had to go through the torture, not other classes. Perhaps I'm being over sensitive or smthg, but, stereotyping my class cos my class has the most number of 'black listed' ppl is not fair... it hurts. we have emotions. we have feelings. we don't win stuff. we are not the most enthusiastic class, the most talented class, the most united class or the most obedient class, but we believe we can do it.

I feel useless at choir. I dun tink i'm needed at all. URGH. forget it.

yihang used to talk to me about him being the dance chairman and all... I understand his plight perfectly.

whatever... this is just another one of my useless blog entry about crap.

Anyway, I'm still worried about tml. URGH. 12 hours approx to my audition. CRAP.



Why am I still standing here? Becos I have no where to go...

Received o'level results yesterday at 2.30pm.

Received a whole bunch of scoldings from principal, which really caused everyone's mood to plunge. He claimed that we didn't do that well for chinese and wanted us to write a compo by next wed TYPED OUT.

Anyway, early in the morning everyone was panicking about their results. You could really feel the tension in the air. Hardly paid any attention during classes.

Chem- did the chem test. so freaking tough!!!
PE- hilarious. I paired up with yeeyan for relay. perhaps we'll fail assessment nxt week. LOL.
E.Geog- got back our geog test. nthg much already.

A.Maths- taught probabilty.
Malay- our class discussed about wat to do for our class performance. haha. some ppl suggested skit but all conversations would be in malay and no one could translate them. Yubing suggested cheering but end up no one would cheer. haha. so in the end decided on singing and it would be a medley kinda stuff.

Triple English- hmm... this was horrible cos I was simply too nervous to listen to mdm zuraidah. did grp work with peihua, nicholas n waihou. they were super worried about it too.

2.00pm- went to auditorium. hmmm... thought i would be dying from heart attack. Listened to the chinese HOD talk about our expected msg etc etc. our class's expected msg was the highest. 2.41. oh well. den principal came and talked to us.

2.30pm- started giving out results. there were mixed response. cos the tcher distributed for 4o7 first, we had to wait for eternity. I mean, seriously, we were at the brim of hysteria already. Den we got back our results. Got an A1 for chinese and merit for oral.

3pm (approx)- went back to class. although i was happy with my result, I couldn't bring myself to even smile. the atmosphere was really sad. many ppl were really upset and disappointed... it made me feel real bad as well...

These days really sucked. I'm not sure why, but I'm losing my usual energectic self. I don't know what i'm doing anymore. Everything seems different. whatever.

Upcoming events:
Today- piano. going to complete my uncomplete grade 6 theory paper. crap.
Sunday- audition for grand concert. haix.
Mon- lunch staying back for malay performance rehearsal.
Tues- lunch staying back for malay performance rehearsal. valentine's day. nthg much. choir.
Wed- rehearsal. total defence day. chinese compo due date.
thurs-rehearsal. Choir.
fri- performance.

following week: COMMON TEST. crap.


I don't see any meaning in living.

well, my mood has been great till a sec ago. well, ayu was voted as number 20 most disliked female celebrity in Japan. Koda Kumi n Ai Otsuka were on the list as well. whatever. Popular celebrities get hated. hehehe.

I didn't know my sister was sick. She had keratitis left eye. whatever that is. haha. most importantly, she has MC for TWO DAYS! I'll do anything for that MC!

Today:
Chemistry lessons shouldn't be held early in the morning. The entire class nearly dozed off and Mrs Lim was pretty amazed at how tired our class was.
PE was great! Instead of running, we played netball again! this time it was really fun. =) Zuhui kept teasing me about the ballet move I did when I tried to catch the ball. LOL. Cindy was funny too, whenever she tried aiming the ball. hahaha.
Elec geog was OK.

E maths was OK. Went through several graphs and taught about how to calculate distance.
Malay was OK as well. nothing much except there was a huge commotion during the lesson.

Triple English is enough to kill. We had 1 and a half hour of English, equivalent to 90 mins of English, equivalent to DEATH. I'm serious. The class was really dead and everyone was dozing off already. Learnt about dealing with 'use ur own words' questions. That's about all.

Tomorrow:
Piano. OH NO.
Will be watching Chingay performance. Our school's dance society will be performing.
(and no. I dun mean anything when i wrote that)

Sunday:
YAY. my relatives will be coming to visit. =) Hopefully my beloved cousins will come too.

Monday:
Gettin back GCE O'level chinese result. omg omg omg...

Tues to Friday:
ZZZZZZ....

Pride by Ayumi Hamasaki

"The freedom you have is so dazzling"
Said a girl
"Even if I can't find the meaning of my existence?"
I answered

Supposing man is a creature
Who is always asking for things he doesn't have
Ah, what is it
That we truly want to have?

And then
The girl just struggled and struggled
And when she noticed she was filled with emptiness
She had a new understanding

We always open the window to tomorrow
By dreaming
Ah, though we know
Nothing is certain in this world

Flowers are surely waiting for us
In a place we haven't yet seen
Before we are used to being bored
And our time passes quickly

Even if it's the end of the world
Even if people say with laughter that we are trying in vain
Let's go together
Because nothing is so fearful as giving up





Nothing is so fearful as giving up... that's really true. another master piece by ayu. Her lyrics are really powerful if you really take the time to read them. The words are so true, so deep and emotional. Moreover, she can deliver them so well with her powerful vocal. Try listenin to her new album (miss)understood. It rocks. =)

the guys preparing for the BBQ. lolx. cant really see any of their faces.  

got this from somewhere. hahaha.  

i have no time to blog. haha. just wanna post this pic. BBQ party 2005! though our faces are distorted, it looks sorta lyk we took it in front of a haunted house and liqian looks lyk the ghost. haha.